Arson

Murder

Genocide

2008 bank bailouts

two financial crimes

Sexual assault

Rape

Election fraud

financial crimes veiled as altruism

ballot harvesting

Financial crimes done specifically by someone in power

Racism against Asian people

Similar size financial crime committed by professional like lawyer or accountant who should know better but may have more at stake with risk of being struck off

Abusing/taking advantage of the trust of a person or people who care about you

Forcing someone to listen to Nickelback for 72 hours straight

financial crimes committed while doing a really offensive accent

offering drugs to a minor

stealing from the rich and giving to one specific deranged and violent alcoholic

Not doubling world GDP (more so for poor countries) by means of open borders

Sacrificing a child to R'hllor

Committing a moderately big financial crime (>$1 million)

Committing a really big financial crime (>$10 billion)

Hiring an illegal immigrant as your personal full-time sex slave

Lobbying congress to ban your competitors

buying a lot of drinks for a girl to get her very drunk so she'll hook up with you

Protecting sex-offending priests/pastors by moving them to different parishes

Making the same amount of money as the financial crime, but doing it by stealing catalytic converters off people's cars

Introducing leaded gasoline to the market (in 1924)

Rigging a piano to explode when a certain key is hit and leaving a piece of sheet music on it that requires that note to be played

Stealing a SpaceX Starship or Boeing Starliner

Space Piracy: commandeering ISS, enslaving the crew, plundering it for equipment and using it to attack other spacecraft

Taxing Asian immigrants to pay “slavery reparations’ to Ethiopian immigrants

Passing the Jones act to ban senator jones’ competitors

Setting Bigfoot on fire and throwing him out of a plane above a gathering of cryptozoologists.

marketing sugary processed foods to people despite knowing it will kill millions of them

Giving away free samples of meth at a school

Running for reelection as POTUS and refusing to step aside after showing signs of significant cognitive decline, resulting in an 80% probability that a convicted felon will be elected in your place.

Encouraging 10 people to commit a financial crime

Committing war crime.

Intensive pig farming

Giving away free samples of meth at a big tech company

Giving away free samples of meth at tech startups

Consolidating dictatorial power (e.g. suspending elections, controlling courts, etc.) while maintaining a popular mandate (i.e. significant majority of the country supports you and your actions in accurate, unpressured polls)

Firebombing a major city

Genocide committed by moving foodstuffs out of an area suffering severe famine.

Restricting the rights and privileges of the majority population to consolidate the political and economic power

Farming octopuses for food

Whatever is going on at Boeing

Setting a cryptozoologist on fire and throwing him out of a plane above a gathering of bigfoots.

Destroying a major cloud datacenter facility, with irrecoverable destruction of live user data but no direct deaths

Giving a (hypothetical) IQ-boosting treatment only to the most corrupt, vicious, and malicious people you can find

Doing physical violence to a random person as a collections agent

Threatening physical violence towards a random person's child as a collections agent

Forcing kindergartners to huff jenkem for an entire school day.

Threatening physical violence towards a random person's sibling as a collections agent

Conducting evidence-free civil asset forfeiture

Fighting a sea house with a financial crime and going to McDonald’s and giving a really bad yelp review and suing for a financial crime when you are beating up the sea horse

Octopi farming us for food

Embedding a predatory metaphysical outlook into AI to try to align it with right wing capitalist interests, leading to aeons of s risks being actualized throughout the light cone.

Unintentionally causing a bug that wastes 1 million hours of human time

Transporting 53 polar bears, 14 white tigers, and 2.3 million fire ants to the Antarctic and setting them loose in a penguin colony for a pay per view special dubbed "Polar Pandemonium: Ant-artic Special"

Spending the gains from your financial crime on breeding malaria mosquitoes, giving free samples of meth to poor teenagers, and electing bad politicians

Using a time machine to go back in time and brutally murder someone minutes before they would've died anyways

Aligning superhuman AI with capitalism; see https://manifold.markets/KarlK/how-friendly-is-capitalism-does-cap

Wearing a magic shirt that has a 5% chance of making each individual who sees it commit a financial crime as you traverse a major metropolitan city (New York, London, Tokyo, etc)

Falsifying evidence that an afterlife exists and profiting from the publication of this information

Enslaving Joe Biden and Jimmy Carter

Octopuses farming people who correct those who say ‘octopi’ for food

Enslaving octopuses to farm dolphins for food

Enslaving journalists to farm octopuses for food

Wrongfully accusing someone of that crime while knowing they’re innocent

Crashing the Titantic, leading to it sinking

Free ice cream, at taxpayer expense, but only for gingers

Committing a Financial Crime with Shoes On The Bed

Embezzling money from a charity opposed to farming octopuses

Creating Hell, making it possible that humans suffer infinitely for the actions of their finite life

Ressurecting the Rocky Mountain Locust (Melanoplus spretus)

creating misaligned AI that tiles the universe with octopus farms

Forcing an octopus to commit sepekku

forcing an octopus to commit a financial crime

Murdering 5,000 people by feeding them to all animals of the sea, including aquaman, mermaids, octopuses, and sea horses.

Octopus sex trafficking.

Filming a documentary where you get an octopus to trust you, luring it out into the open, and then don't help when it gets attacked by sharks.

Filming a documentary where you invite your girlfriend to an Alaskan camp surrounded by bears and then messing with those bears.

Introducing polar bears to Antarctica and then renaming them “bipolar bears.”

Appointing one random drug dealer with no legal experience to the Supreme Court of the United States

Appointing Clarence Thomas to the Supreme Court

Hanging on to a Supreme Court seat so Trump can appoint your replacement rather than retiring and keeping a liberal seat

Selling pies made out of orphan meat.

Condemning two hundred men to a slow death at sea because their coworker shot your favorite bird.

Enslaving a group of people for hundreds of years, terrorizing them for another hundred, then telling them you are tired of hearing them complain about it.

Selling orphans fed only pie meat

Feeding a child only nachos until they are 18 to create an adult who is 100% nachos

Slaughtering bears without a permit because the US Constitution guarantees the right to bear arms

Replacing all the samples at a sperm bank with your own.

Delivering angry skunks to the offices of rival investors to incapacitate them just before quarterly earnings reports.

Committing two financial crimes and donating the proceeds to the Make-a-Wish Foundation

Quackery - Traveling town to town selling snake oil remedies in a horse drawn carriage while wearing a top hat

Dueling - settling a dispute in the 21st century America with pistols at dawn

Go to an orphanage and have starving orphans battle over a hamburger with guns and swords while committing a financial crime

Twelve counts of murder in the first degree, fourteen counts of armed theft of Federation property, twenty two counts of piracy in high space, eighteen counts of fraud, thirty seven counts of rape... and one moving violation.

Causing people to go without essential items like water and fuel during emergencies by means of anti-price-gouging laws

Judging policies by their stated intent, not by their effect

Purposefully inciting a sea-bear attack

Enslaving a particularly dim-witted alien race so poor humans don't have to spend their lives asteroid mining.

Stealing a SpaceX Starship

Getting nuns pregnant by dressing them as altar boys.

Carjacking an old lady

Committing a financial crime and spending the proceeds on a plane ticket to Texas so you can go carjack Elon Musk, and then doing so

Forcing jockeys to run around a track for the entertainment of a race of hyperintelligent horses

Carjacking a hyperintelligent horse

Stealing the Declaration of Independence

Operating a child beauty pageant

Andrew Tate

Intentionally causing a bug that wastes 80,000 hours of human time

Putting motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane to kill one specific passenger

Having trains so bad and expensive that venture capital reinvents them

A regulatory environment that results in really bad trains

Trying to run a modern 21st century society on a hierarchical 18th century constitution

Artie Chokes Two for $1: Hiring a man named Artie to choke two people for a dollar to generate a headline falsely promising low-cost produce.

The first thing you do after sex is to resume the autopsy whilst telling yourself that one error in judgment doesn’t make you a bad vet.

Invent a system of taxation where the government won’t tell citizens what they owe, but instead will make them do a super complicated math problem and then send them to jail if they do it incorrectly.

Putting a pair of immortal adult children in an everlasting garden, then punishing them for the one thing you forbade, yet knew they must eventually do, given the nature of eternity.

Giving AI your DNA and as much data as possible with instructions to bootstrap itself to AGI by testing on your clones according to a mixture of Popperian and Bayesian formulas

Inventing a system of taxation that encourages bad land use and a housing crisis by taxing at 0% the unimproved value of land

Committing a violent crime that does not result in any injuries

Committing a violent crime that results in minor injuries

Committing a violent crime that results in serious injuries

Committing a violent crime that results in one person's death

Committing a violent crime that results in ten people's deaths

Workplace negligence (failure to follow documented proper procedure) that results in a serious injury to another person

Handing out counterfeit money to homeless beggars, in the hope that they'll get arrested for spending it.

Snatching household pets to fatten coyotes to feed to your pet tiger.

Stealing oxygen in an international moon base during an acute shortage, while deflecting suspicion toward the Belgian astronaut who nobody likes.

Committing a violent crime that results in minor injuries solely to yourself

Committing a violent crime that results in serious injuries solely to yourself

Committing a violent crime that results in your own death and no other injuries

Not committing a financial crime because you have commitment issues, but then sneaking around on the side and doing other financial crimes.

Sending a busload of orphans to a convent of cannibalistic nuns, who deal crack to middle school kids.

A law enforcement agency publicly declaring a specific individual to be “a person of interest,” thereby ruining their life even though the individual turns out to be innocent.

Being responsible for more than 50 percent of the cases of necrophilia in the funeral industry during any fiscal year.

As President, using a sharpie on an official weather forecast to extend the predicted area of danger, thereby needlessly frightening people who are not in danger.

Committing a financial crime while being the mayor of NYC

Attacking the lower classes: first with bombs, and rockets destroying their homes, and then when they run helpless into the streets, mowing them down with machine guns. And then of course releasing the vultures.

Cannibalism in the current British Navy.

Turning your girlfriend into a worm to win an argument

One hundred moving violations

Denying health insurance claims from impoverished family for flimsy reasons

Attempting or successfully couping a Democratically elected leader for personal gain

Touching minors/ being a pedophile

Deliberately targeting civilians and civilian objects during armed conflicts

Conducting widespread or systematic rape and sexual violence as a weapon of war

Invading the UK, making it a US territory, and naming it East Long Island.

Stealing Nicholas Cage

Gender "reparative therapy" of minors

Signing Deshaun Watson (who previously had to settle millions of dollars in sexual assault cases) to a 5 year, 230 Million fully guaranteed contract

Building a gambling app using money originating from a financial crime

Going back in time and smothering baby Hitler, but also, via butterfly effect, undoing everyone born later (assume single timeline, no multiverse)

Moving hundreds of thousands of children to a foreign country and forcibly "reeducating" them

The genocide in Gaza

Russia's genocide in Ukraine

Murdering someone that habitually commits financial crimes

Slavery

Grooming kids

Being the leader of a crime syndicate

9/11

Stranding two astronauts in space

Disturbing the space-time continuum

Sending dick pics to a student enrolled in your MOOC

Quackery: traveling town to town selling snake-oil remedies while carrying a duck

Voting for the NSDAP in the November 1932 German federal election

Forced mass uploading of biological consciousness to sidestep x risk

Attempting and failing to commit two financial crimes

Voting against a public inquiry on grooming gangs in the UK

A 20-year old having consensual sex with a 15-year-old

Knowing of two imminent financial crimes, being able to stop them with negligible effort and no risk to yourself, and not doing so

Making the same amount of money as the financial crime, but doing it by a series of petty shoplifts

De-extinction for your delectation: Bringing an extinct species back just to make it extinct again by serving it to gourmet diners as the highlight of an expensive meal.

Sexual harassment

Committing a financial crime that's 10 times as big, but donating the entire proceeds to a legitimate and worthy charity (assume the donations are not clawed back)

Flipping a coin and then either committing the same financial crime two times, or not at all

Killing the United Healthcare CEO

Purchasing 50,000 pounds of beef

Forcing a home owner to quarter soldiers, even in a time of war

Claiming to "Blind Shove" 200 big blinds pre-flop when secretly you looked and you had pocket Aces

Raising and selling 50,000 lbs of beef

Sheltering enemies of the state

Kicking a FG from the opponents 1 yard line on 4th down in a 0-0 game in the first quarter

Having a really good proof but not writing it anywhere because the margin is too small

Weaponizing autism

Having a podcast

Yelling racial slurs in public

Jaywalking

Pelting a moose with stale garlic knots out of season.

Cheating on spouse

Driving while intoxicated (alcohol and/or drugs)

Playing music (or other audio) on your phone speaker on public transport

Income taxes

Copyright infringement

Romeo and Juliet relationships

Replying all to an email when you should've just replied

Welfare fraud

Manufacturing and distribution of illegal drugs

Grave robbery

Saying the N-word every day as a white person

Discrimination based on race

Discrimination based on sexual orientation

Stealing from the rich and giving to the poor

Having sex in public while high on fentanyl

Racism against black people

Racism against white people

Sleep Token (Band)

not seeding your torrents

Drinking and driving at a NASCAR event

Building a time machine and then using it to point and laugh at history's greatest tragedies

Blasting a grossly inappropriate song during a candle light vigil for victims of a mass tragedy

Committing a financial crime, investing the proceeds for profit, which later leads to the insolvency administrator paying back the injured parties (including interest).

Working for one of the leading AI labs to advance the capabilities of a frontier model, with the goal of speeding up the progress towards human-level AGI.

Stealing from the poor and giving to the rich

Hiring only women because the NYT said you could pay them less for the same work

hiring three illegal immigrants to work on your sugarcane plantation

opening a factory in India that pays workers $4/day

twincest

drawing japanese tentacle porn featuring minors

Hiring the one from the more successful demographic out of two identical resumes, because of regression to the mean / biased college admissions

working as a prostitute

hiring a prostitute

hiring a prostitute, long term

Inventing Monero

Running a bank that invests demand deposits in junk bonds and tech stocks

Opening clinics for free abortions and IUDs, only in the ghetto

Giving away free samples of meth at a Dolly Parton concert

The most offensive Halloween costume ever

frisking two drug dealers and one innocent guy who was just loitering on a busy street corner saying "Hey do you need anything" to every stranger who walked past

Doing blackface

Keeping a dozen chimpanzees for entertainment purposes

Prosecuting a political opponent based on true charges that would normally not be pursued

the Asiana flight 214 prank

Giving free samples of meth to Joe Biden before the next debate

Cloning yourself

Threatening physical violence to a random person as a collections agent

making mifeprestone available OTC

making adderall available OTC

Killing yourself

Cloning someone else

Accidentally shooting and killing someone on a movie set

Asking GPT5 to maximize paperclips

Giving free baby formula to new mothers until their natural milk supply dries up

Kicking a donkey owned by a ninja in the butt.

Creating shit-options in an extremely serious and scientific market

Creating a prediction market website where markets are mostly about the platform itself

Staging the world's first ass ass assasin assasination by hiring a New Jersey hit man to whack a ninja hired to shoot an arrow at the backside of a donkey.

Betting yes on Biden being be the nominee at 7x leverage with play money, then defaulting

Calling octopuses "octopi"

Going excessively meta on an object-level topic

Illegally registering octopuses to vote

Registering illegals to vote for octopuses

Creating a targeted advertising campaign for free abortions and IUDs to people who are statistically likely to engage in financial crime

The school system failing to teach people that the real correct plural is octopodes

"James Bond-burgering" someone's sister

Wrongfully accusing someone of the same financial crime

Wrongfully accusing someone of that crime because you think they did it

Feeding an elderly man nothing but McDonald’s morning noon and night for the rest of his life.

Conducting gain-of-function research

Creating an unsolvable meme featuring James Bond and a hamburger so that people argue about it online for a decade

Publishing a step by step guide for how to commit a financial crime for free on the internet, but never promoting it or encouraging readers to follow through

Hosting and operating a website dedicated to the illegal sharing of copyrighted content

Adding an option to a market right before it closes

Writing a "goto" statement when programming

Advertising instant-runoff voting as "ranked choice" to prevent promotion of better ranked choice methods

Publishing a book, titled, "Cure Menopause with Ultraprocessed Foods"

Using crack cocaine to train the world's first chimp TSA agent.

Selling dope disguised as a nun.

Creating Heaven, allowing humans to prosper infinitely for the actions of their finite life

Inventing a new recipe that uses shrimp that causes 10 million new pounds of shrimp to be consumed annually

Using a conservative politician's LGBT+ identity as blackmail to make them support liberal policies

Voting for Benito Mussolini… in 2024

Arguing that grizzlies should be US citizens because they already have the right to bear arms.

Interrupting cows.

No longer loving your girlfriend after she turns into a worm

Putting infinite monkeys in front of infinite Bloomberg Terminals hoping that one of them randomly commits a financial crime

No longer loving your girlfriend after she turns you into a worm

One moving violation.

Purchasing one whole chicken

Committing a financial crime and donating the proceeds to the Make-a-Wish Foundation

Cattle rustling

Horse thievery

Tarring and feathering someone who commits a financial crime

Sumptuary law violations

Homeopathy

Price Gouging

Using napster.com to download Metallica's "I Disappear" demo track for free

Failing to commit a financial crime

Stealing a car

Stealing from Elon Musk

Committing a financial crime against X (company)

Stampeding cattle through the Vatican.

Carjacking Elon Musk

An old lady carjacking Elon Musk

Hacking into YouPorn to steal their IP to set up a clone dedicated to hard core user generated agriculture content: YouCorn

Gaslighting aliens into believing the human race is more technologically advanced than it is by beaming fake content about humanity to them

Carjacking a dumb octopus

A financial crime committed by an old lady

Forcing an octopus to carjack Elon Musk

stealing Elon Musk's car from solar orbit

Raping an AI avatar in VR

Introducing artificial intelligence to DMT space.

Planned Parrothood: offering birth control to talking birds

Plant Parenthood: when the seed goes in and the baby turns out to be a sunflower

Stealing the Declaration of Independence in order to find a vast revolutionary-war-era treasure trove

Using venture capital to reinvent trains, but worse

Bad bagels

Enslaving Slavey Steve, a man who has given enthusiastic consent to being enslaved for literally any purpose and then using his labor to clean up the environment

Still getting notifications for this market

Deciding to break up with your girlfriend, but thinking it will go easier if she thinks it’s her idea, so you suggest some degrading sexual activities but she surprises you by agreeing. Afterwards, you break up with her.

Laughing because a nun with a javelin through her head gets stuck trying to use a revolving door.

scaring the shit out of a magpie

Giving AI your DNA and as much data as possible with instructions to build a map of all quale and use it to create a computationally conscious race of dragons in a virtual universe

Committing sewerslide

Forcing a major sports league to change all its team names and mascots to either STDs or famous serial killers.

Workplace negligence (failure to follow documented proper procedure) that results in a minor injury to another person

Stealing the Declaration of Independence but only to use the kick ass treasure map on the back and then returning

Arby’s

Passing a law to make the United States an Oregon donor; in the event of the US’s demise, another country gets Oregon.

Creating a food made from grinding up every part of a pig (except the squeal), and then making a contest to see who can eat the most of it.

Committing a financial crime against the Make-a-Wish Foundation and donating the proceeds to the Against Malaria Foundation

Committing a financial crime against the Make-a-Wish Foundation, keeping 50% of the proceeds, and donating 50% of the proceeds to the Against Malaria Foundation

Forcing Elon Musk to commit a financial crime against an octopus and using the proceeds to pay a jacked jack-of-all-trades named Jack to jack off while carjacking a jackass that was driving factory-farmed ASIs to the slaughterhouse

Committing a Financial Crime Only When God Exists

Turning a worm into your girlfriend to win an argument

Causing 8 billion people to get dust specks in their eyes, irritating them just a little, for a fraction of a second, barely enough to make them notice before they blink and wipe it away

Causing 1 person to experience the pain of their entire body being stung by bullet ants, but lasting only a tenth of a second, and they have their memory of it wiped immediately afterwards

Founding Christianity

You, the reader

One hundred counts of littering

Purchasing 500 pounds of beef

Consensually cannibalizing someone who was losing that body part regardless

BTE Ban evading

Purchasing 5,000 pounds of beef

Producing a remake of the television series 'Manimal' starring Nicholas Cage.

Transing children

Redirecting fire department resources from fighting fires to fighting inequity

Taking a salary equal to the amount of the financial crime, while working in a government job of negative societal value?

Sexual intercourse with 1057 men in a 12 hour period

The P320 pistol has a design flaw allowing it to fire without pulling the trigger

Imane Khelif is intersex

The Jews control at least one nation's government

Human didnt evolve from apes

The 1% promoted culture wars to distract from class war

Orgies by the wealthy elite as portrayed in 'Eyes Wide Shut'.

DHMO in the water supply

Osama bin Laden didn't act alone

Santa is rigged

Ticketmaster is in cahoots with organized scalpers

That motherfucker WAS real (Tiffany Gomas was wrong the whole time)

Orgies by the fucked-up poors as portrayed in "Eyes Wide Shut XXX" (2013)

√-1 isn't real

Atrazine works as an endocrine-disrupting chemical (EDC), converting testosterone to estrogen in the bodies of frogs leading to homosexual proclivities.

Smartphones listen in on private conversations

US security services use the Google Play Store as an attack vector for android devices

Smart devices are almost always listening to your private conversations

Lionel Messi never played for a Real football (soccer) team

Groundhog Day is rigged

That stock trading AI supposedly built by @SteveSokolowski is actually part of an elaborate scam

The NBA rigs the draft lottery

Dream faked the Manhunt videos

Dead Internet theory

John McAfee didn't kill himself

Some answers in this market are psyops to discredit all the others

Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself

Joe/Hunter Biden took bribe to protect Burisma from investigation

Covid 19 was made in a labradoodle

The UK security services are complicit in the coverup of a significant underage sex scandal closely linked to the monarchy, taking place in the UK in the period 1975-2015

At least one UN recognised country is secretly controlled by a cabal following a religion shared by <5% of the country's population

The CCP is directly supporting drug cartel activity in the West

Annie Altman's abuse claims

Tiffany Gomas is not the same person as the TMINR lady in the video. She is a PSYOP for Barstool.

Members of US government had prior knowledge of 9/11 and let it happen

The New Zealand government had advance knowledge of the sinking of the Rainbow Warrior

An adversary is intentionally causing hysteria over drone incidents to force the US/UK's hand into revealing their anti-drone tech

The CIA killed JFK

@strutheo is @notrickspringfield

There are devices which have been used to alter the electric network frequency of a country in the Middle East to leave more identifiable traces in recorded video and audio clips

Eating your veggies is bad for your health

At least 3 of the members elected to the French lower house of Parliament in 2024 are Russian agents

Bielefeld does not exist, but another city with the same name in the same place does

This one makes me feel evil, so I ROT13'd it, use ROT13 to decode if you want to keep me company in Hell: Ybh Truevt'f ergverzrag jnf npghnyyl na ZYO-znaqngrq fhfcrafvba

The CCP has a plan to exterminate a large number of people they consider to not be ethnically Chinese

The US/UK/French security services are sinking Russian ships in response to attacks on undersea cables and other hybrid warfare activities (since 2022)

Deepwater Horizon explosion due to sabotage

The Obamas have a loveless marriage, kept together for optics only

Rory Stewart worked for MI6

Gamergate was right

The US, UK and French security services have collectively assassinated at least 10 German citizens in Germany since 2022

China made covid 19 in a lab

Michael Jordan's first NBA retirement was actually a forced suspension.

FDR deliberately left Pearl Harbor vulnerable, in order to goad Americans into war

As of June 2025, JD Vance is secretly making plans to use future ASI to sieze power and become eternal world dictator

Shakespeare didn’t write his own plays

Germany has a well-prepared plan (in 2024-) to start mass producing nuclear weapons in <6 months (in case things go bad geopolitically)

Youssoufa Moukoko (soccer player) was born earlier than he claims (earlier than 2004)

A pharma company has a much better treatment for cancer that they are keeping secret because it would compete with their existing products

Hellenistic science advanced meta-thermodynamics to derive 𝑄 = 𝑛𝐶Δ𝑇(1 + 𝐻⊙⋆) using the Holtzman Generator

Bitcoin was created by a US three letter agency

My dog went to live on farm that was full of other dogs that he could run with and play with and he was much happier than staying with us and peeing on the rug.

lɐǝɹ ʇ,usᴉ ɐᴉlɐɹʇsn∀

The American govt is actually a totalitarian dictatorship

The U.S. military is the number one customer of Glitterex (a glitter company) but doesn't want anyone to know because it hurts their masculine image.

Eliezer wrote The Erogamer

Many vaccines on the standard CDC childhood immunization schedule have serious negative side effects (net negative on health) for at least 5% of the population.

Hellenistic scientists could derive the correct refraction law by minimizing light travel time

Dominic Cummings was/is a Russian spy

Elon Musk used Starlink to rig the 2024 election

Circa 1920 civilizational collapse (c.f. "Whither Tartaria?")

Marilyn Manson had a rib removed in the late 1990s

Trump committed sex offenses against minors on Epstein Island

Non-human intelligence affecting events on Earth is not extraterrestrial "aliens," and humans are incorrect in believing that reality consists only of the Universe.

The Romance languages are not descended from Classical Latin

Hellenistic science developed statistical mechanics to the point of being able to derive PV=nRT

The Hellenistic civilization was aware of the existence of Azeroth

Sue Gray was a spy

Harold Holt murdered

Finno-Korean Hyperwar was real

A cure for cancer has already been found

Princess Diana was assassinated

Lee Harvey Oswald didn't act alone.

Ogopogo and the Yeti faked their relationship (to boost CFL ratings, to increase Taylor Swift's movie sales, support Trudeau's reelection, b/c Ogopogo is PSY, etc.)

Aluminum cookware actually *does* cause Alzheimers.

The 1% promoted class war to distract from culture wars

The Hawk Tuah meme is a North Korean psyop

The hellenistic civilization was aware of the existence of the American continent

The pharma industry has a better version of Viagra that they keep secret to keep their profits up

"Geoterrorism" (weather modification for terrorism) is real as of 2024

The Clintons assasinated their rivals

Israel killed JFK

US security services asked Microsoft to buy Skype and alter the software so they could target users more easily

Biden and/or US govt did Jan 6 (exclude trump)

The NBA rigged Shaq's free throws

Jet fuel *can* melt steel beams, but the official 9/11 narrative is sus because chemtrail chemicals cannot

The NFL is rigged

South Korea has had nuclear weapons since 2023

Xi Jinping had advance knowledge of the Hawk Tuah meme

Mossad uses Hellenistic technology borrowed from the North Sentinelese

Hellenistic scientists could derive the correct warp-induced refraction law by exceeding Warp Factor 9 under Cochrane’s Theorem

Covid was a deliberate test of pandemic preparedness in view of bacteriological war between China and the US

Ogopogo is real

A support network of close friendships is bad for your health

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce faked their relationship (to boost NFL ratings, to increase Tay's movie sales, legitimize mRNA vaccines, b/c she is a PSYOP, etc.)

Shakespeare is not real - they claim he was married to Anne Hathaway but she's like only 40 or so

Exercise is bad for your health

Skin cancer is caused by a lack of melanin, regardless of sunlight exposure

covid-19 vaccine is net negative for health for people who are under 35, with no aggravating condition, and not obese

Bitcoin was created by a 3 letter Hellenistic agency

COVID-19 vaccine is net negative for health

QAnon

Allen Iverson invented A.I.

The government iodizes the water and fluoridates salt when it should be the other way around

QR codes are satanic

Mossad releases video and audio clips, intended to be of interest to their adversaries, which play special sounds that humans don't notice

Bush did 9/11

China purposely spread covid 19 having intended it to escape the lab

Charles Manson had a rib removed in the late 1990s

Getting 8 hours of sleep is bad for your health

Tom Brady's retirement was actually an NFL mandated suspension

Hitler killed himself because the alternative was going to Argentina

Jerry Sandusky is innocent.

Lee Harvey Oswald was an agent of the Hellenistic Civilization

South Sudan has had nukes since 2023

Famous Israeli agent Eisseberg was behind the sinking of the Titanic

xkcd 690: on 9/11, one of the towers was hit by a plane and the other was a controlled demolition

Airplane trails have toxic chemicals (chemtrails)

@HenriThunberg was paid to create the James Bond market to promote the upcoming movie

Marilyn Monroe had a rib removed in the late 1990s

Rationalussy isn't real.

Skin cancer is caused by sunblock, not sunlight

Chinese people really *are* just saying the n-word.

Hellenistic science knew of quantum mechanics

Tupac is still alive in 2024

Bielefeld does not exist

Walt Disney was cryogenically frozen, and they made the movie Frozen so that when people googled 'Walt Disney Frozen' the movie would come up first

The Hellenistic Civilization made COVID-19 in a lab

The North Sentinelese have a non-secret aircraft carrier, they have announced it to the world loud and clear. Problem is: nobody speaks their language.

US government is harboring aliens

Monica Lewinsky was a Mossad agent

Birds aren't real

China was not genociding Uyghurs

Effective Altruism is a scam and they just embezzle all the donations

Tiger Woods is a militant separatist Tamil

The Mandella Effect in general is real

The North Sentinelese have a secret aircraft carrier

Hurricane Katrina caused by HAARP

The 2020 US presidential election was rigged/stolen

The CIA killed Tupac, and JFK is still alive as of 2024

carbon dioxide isn't the main cause of global warming

You personally live in Truman Show style captivity

The Romance languages are not descended from Latin

The illuminati runs the world

*All* health care is net negative for health

The moon landing was fake

climate change isn't human caused

Michelle Obama is a man

Jeffrey Epstein is still alive

Brazilian money is not real

The Hellenistic civilization invented USB

The North Sentinelese are remnants of the Hellenistic civilization

Yeti is real or similar creature

The earth is a dodecahedron

Climate change isn’t real

Skibidi Toilet is real

Q is Putin

It used to be spelled Berenstein Bears

Africa isn't real

Christiano Ronaldo never played for a Real football (soccer) team

There is no female orgasm

The North Sentinelese are concealing super-advanced technology.

The earth is flat

Hitler didn't kill himself he went to Argentina

*All* vaccines are net negative for health

End of the world in 2012

Earth is hollow

Justin Trudeau is actually Black and has been wearing "whiteface" all along.

Finland isn't real

Australia isn't real.

5G will kill all vaccinated people once the towers are switched on

Nuclear weapons have never existed

Flossing is bad for your health

Brushing your teeth is bad for your health

HIV doesn’t cause AIDS

Taylor Swift and Mary Berg are the same person

The Epcot sphere was built by aliens as some sort of energy device powering the rat empire.

Ron Weasley is a redhead

Harry Potter is white

Snape is black

At least one named character from the book has their race changed

Harry, Ron, and Hermione’s actors will all be British

A character cut from the movies appears (ie Theodore Nott)

McGonagall performs an animagus transformation (human2cat or cat2human)

Hagrid is played by an actor who is under 6'4"

Premieres in 2027

Harry Potter doesn't cast a single spoken, working spell in the first episode

Quirrel is wearing a head covering when Harry first meets him

Dumbledore casts a spell (spoken or wordlessly)

Malfoy has white blonde hair

There’s a scene set before Harry is born

Arthur Weasley is shown on screen

Fred and George are twins irl

JK Rowling is credited as both an executive producer and original writer

The potion riddle guarding the Stone will be featured

Ron Weasley doesn't cast a single, spoken, working spell in the first two episodes

The Quibbler is shown or mentioned

Peeves is a reoccurring character

Cornelius Fudge is shown on screen

It's woke

An actor who acted in the movies returns for the show

Harry first sees Hogwarts castle in episode 2

Hagrid says "You’re a wizard, Harry"

A scene depicts Voldemort trying to kill baby Harry

Hermione’s parent(s) shown on screen

mandrake root on screen

80% or higher on rotten tomatoes

Homosexual interaction between some characters will be presented

Hermione is white

A History of Magic lesson is shown on screen

A house elf is shown on screen

Hagrid ties Vernon’s gun into a knot

Arabella Figg is mentioned by first or last name

An actor who appeared in any of the Jackass films receives a credit on IMDB related to the show

It will be torrentfreak.com's "Most Pirated" TV show for its year of release or the following year

At least one named character from the book has their gender swapped

Harry only reaches Hogwarts in the last 10 minutes of the first episode

Luna Lovegood, Cho Chang, or Cedric Diggory are mentioned by first or last name, or are in the credits

Goblins are still represented as anti-semitic caricatures

It ends on a cliff hanger

The Weasley's Ford Anglia is seen flying

Harry Potter doesn't cast a single, spoken, working spell in the first three episode

An Astronomy lesson is shown on screen

Harry visits Diagon Alley in episode 1

The Flying Ford Anglia is seen.

Harry is shown holding more than three different wands at Ollivander’s

Hagrid presents a cake with writing on it to Harry and the writing has no misspellings

90% or higher on rotten tomatoes

Harry first sees Hogwarts castle in episode 3

At least one of the actors is transgender

The intro theme song will have at least one obvious English word

Quirrel shakes Harry’s hand during their first meeting

VOLDEMORT HAS A NOSE

Dobby makes an appearance

Any Harry Potter fanfic is referenced (either explicitly as judged by market creator, or confirmed by someone who works on the show)

We see a wizarding school other than Hogwarts

Premieres in 2026

"Voldemort" has a silent "t"

Awkwafina is cast in the show

Harry visits Platform 9 3/4 in episode 1

We get AGI before it premieres

Voldemort is a woman

Hagrid is played by an actor with a cognitive disability

Keir Starmer is in it

Features an explicitly transgender character

Fred and George have the same actor

JK Rowling makes a cameo appearance

Zendaya is cast in the show

Hermione is black

Smartphone shown within Hogwarts

There will be seven CGI dwarves

Rita Skeeter will have an explicit trans identity

Hermione is Indian

Gandalf is black

Hagrid is black

Yudkowsky makes an appearance

HPMOR is referenced

One or more of Hermione, Ron, and Harry have their genders swapped.

Make the bread taste good

Don't eat anything for at least 48 hours before eating the bread

Stretch-and-fold after mixing, 3x every 30 min

Create indentation, fill with melted cheese and butter

Bake on upside-down sheet pan, covered with Dutch oven

Resolve this option YES while eating the bread

Use sourdough instead of yeast

Donate the bread to a food pantry, homeless person, or someone else in need

Sprinkle 3 grams of flaky sea salt on top of each loaf before the second bake

Add 50g honey

Watch the video

Autolyse 20 minutes

3 iterations of stretch-and-fold, at any time during the 14h waiting period. Minimum wait time between iterations 1 hour

More steam! Either spritz with more water (preferably hot) or actually pour some boiling water in just before closing the lid.

Make a poolish 12 h ahead: 100 g flour + 100 g water + 0.8 g yeast (0.1 %). After it ferments, use this poolish in place of 100 g flour and 100 g water in the final dough.

Use whole wheat to improve the nutrition of the bread

Incorporate a whole grain flour (buckwheat for example)

Improve the bread

it needs more salt

Bake for an amount of minutes equal to the percent this market answer is at when it comes time to begin baking. (Maintain the ±3 minute tolerances and the 2:1 ratio of time before:after the water spritz.)

Use King Arthur Bread Flour instead of All-Purpose

Decompose it into infinite spheres, then a few parts per sphere, rotate the spheres by arccos(1/3), unite them and you will find 2 chilis (Banach-Tarski)

Let dough rise on counter only until double volume or 2h max, any time longer in fridge

Use 50% whole grain flour

Ditch current process, do everything the same as the video

Toast the bread

Eat the bread while punching @realDonaldTrump in the face

Eat the bread while watching your mana balance steadily tick to (M)0

Throw the bread at a telescope

Add 50g sugar

Put a baking rack in the Dutch oven before putting the loaf in, raising the loaf off the floor and lofting it over a layer of air.

Replace all water spritz steps with a basting of extra virgin olive oil.

Use flour made from an unconventional grain e.g. barley, millet, oats, rye, sorghum, maize etc.

Assume the chili is not in the interval [0,1], square it for more chili, if it is in (0,1), take the square root, else (equals 0 or 1) add 1 to it.

Assume the chili is in the interval (0,1), square it for less chili, if it is in (1,infinity) take the square root, if it is in (-infinity,0) take the negative of the square of the of the chile, else (equals 0 or 1) subtract 1 from it.

Get your friends to help you make a batch ten times the size, but add a Pepper X (2.7M Scoville heat units) to the mixture

Add 1tsp of diastatic malt powder per 3cps of flour

replace 10% of flour with farina bona

Bake the bread into a fun shape, like a fish, or an octagon

Increase water by 50 g

Add lots of butter (0.2 ml per gram)

Swap 200ml water for milk

Bake it with your best friend.

While the bread is baking, tip every user who voted "Yes" on this option 25 Mana

Add 50g vital wheat gluten

Give ChatGPT your current recipe as well your take on what optimal bread tastes like, then take that advice for your next bake

Bread flour, 3x yeast, cut rise to ~3h

Bake the Manifold Crane into the Bread

Add an amount of MSG equivalent to half the current salt content

Place small ice cubes between parchment and pot instead of water

Have someone sell the bread to you at an expensive price

Ship a piece of the bread to a random person.

Cook the bread with a rod/puck of aluminum foil (or similar) in the core in an attempt to conduct heat through the center of the bread, cooking it evenly like a doughnut.

Don't eat anything for at least 24 hours before eating the bread

Replace salt with sugar

Resolve this option NO while eating the bread

Make all of the ingredients from scratch.

Add a pinch of sugar

Make the bread great again

Make the bread edible then throw it in

Buy bread from a michelin star restaurant.

Drink vodka while eating the bread

Cover bread with damp paper towel instead of initial water spritz. Rehydrate paper towel during 2nd spritz. Remove paper towel before placing on cooling rack.

Do FOLDED

Quit Manifold into the bread.

Kill the bread into Manifold.

Start at 500F, drop to 450F and uncover half way through

Replace flour with flowers

Grind/powderize all salt used into a fine powder (with pestle & mortar or similar device)

Think positive thoughts before tasting

Add 1/2 cup yogurt to the bread and name the bread “gurt” while addressing it with “yo, gurt”.

Bake vodka into it

Wear a suit while baking the cake.

Use lemonade instead of water.

Encourage people to participate in the market in good faith while making the bread

Bake for 5 more minutes

Add 2g? of baking soda

Let dough sit 48 hrs

put butter into it

Mix half sodium/potassium chloride

Half yeast

Add a tablespoon of sugar

Bake one more minute

Make naan bread, an easy-to-make bread

Mail the bread to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Washington D.C.

Frost it and put sprinkles on it to make it a birthday cake.

Add sawdust to increase the volume of the bread (but only like 10% sawdust by volume max. maybe 20% if it's good sawdust)

Add as many Jack Daniel's whiskey barrel smoking chips as feasible to the Dutch oven before baking, physically separating them from the bread as necessary while baking.

Eat the bread while sending all your mana to @realDonaldTrump

Play classical music while baking

Bake for 5 fewer minutes

Quadruple salt

Do all the changes in the top 5 open options by probability, excluding this option

Use tap water instead of fancy RO water

Bake your social security number into it.

Bake one fewer minute

Bake the cake while wearing a onesie.

Bake vegimite into it.

Eat the bread in front of the White House.

Implement all options that resolved NO

Make the bread inedible then throw it out.

Throw the bread at @realDonaldTrump

Force Feed it to @realDonaldTrump

Cut the bread into the number of traders in the market slices.

Only buy ingredients from 7/11.

Implementing every element listed below.

Just make donuts instead

Bake it in an easy bake kids oven

Use a plastic baking sheet.

Put a non-lethal dose of any rat poison.

Eat the bread while betting yes on Cuomo on Manifold

Ditch all the steps. Just buy the bread from the supermarket

Double oven temperature

Halve oven temperature

Light it on fire with birthday candles.

Bake it with a microwave

Eat the bread while betting yes on Mamdani on Manifold

Bring it to Yemen and put a bomb in it

Bake America Great Again

Sacrifice a lamb

Add MAGA and a splash of Trump juice

Bake in a cat and a dog

Explode it:

Take a fat dump in the dough

Sit in dough 24 hrs

Let dough sit 24 hrs

Bake in rectangular tin

double yeast

halve salt

Double salt

Add 2tsp olive oil

Refrigerate dough instead of room temp wait

Do not mix salt and yeast in water together

Put fork in microwave

Don't eat anything for at least 12 hours before eating the bread

Add 2tbsp vanilla extract

Eat the bread with friends

Bake it in the country you were born in.

Eat the bread over the course of a week.

Under 65 yo

Straight

Under 60 yo

Has a STEM degree of any type

Has any degree in physics, math, cs, or engineering

Has a Wikipedia page created in 2023 or earlier

Is an American citizen

If male, taller than 5' 9", woman 5' 4" (~us 50th percentile)

Wears glasses (ever in a recent-ish public photo)

Speaks a foreign language

Serious rumors of the actual name announced will appear on Twitter at least 12 hours before nomination (subjective-ish)

Under 55 yo

Has been a CEO

Is married

Under 50 yo

Has children

Self described person of color

Has ethnic Asian heritage

Has a regional or foreign accent (subjective) (not standard US; midlantic counts as an accent now)

Software Engineering background

Was not an American citizen at birth

Went to a private high school

Is known to have a dog or cat, or to have had one in the past

Has a profile on google scholar (as of end 2023)

Born in the cold season (oct-mar) in northern hemisphere or reverse if southern

CEO will take office after Q2 2027

Citation count on google scholar is 1k+

Has an acceptance or rejection from ycombinator in his/her history

Has a github account which is known to be theirs (even w/out contributions)

Has an active and identifiable twitter/x account at least a year at the time their name leaks as the new CEO

Vegan or vegetarian (pescatarian, etc not included)

Has attended Davos

Is publicly Atheist, agnostic, or a non-believer

Grey hair (now, even partial grey like Sundar counts)

Non-native English speaker

Born outside of the USA, Canada, and Europe

Is an only child

Born in the USA

Has ethnic European heritage

Diversity Points Score: 1

Has ever been divorced

Has visited or lived in China

Has PhD

Has a graduate or undergrad degree from any non US university

Has a nickname and is often addressed by it (example: Larry for Lawrence)

Under 45 yo

Has written and published a book either academic or non

Bald (Norwood Hamilton IV or more) in actual appearance at announcement

Has ethnic Native people (any continent) heritage

Has spent at least a month continuously in mainland China

Has submitted and received 2+ patents

Announcement of the appoint happens on a Friday

Diversity Points Score: 0

Under 40 yo

Has Jewish heritage

Neither parent attended college

Was a college-level athlete

Has any public mention of playing pickleball

Has at least 3 children

Is publicly Christian

Diversity Points Score: 2

Diversity Points Score: 5 or more

Blue eyes

Has a Wikipedia page created in 2015 or earlier

Diversity Points Score: 3

Diversity Points Score: 4

If man, taller than 6'1", if woman taller than 5'10" (us ~95th percentile)

Tattoo

Has served in us govt

Has passed a bar exam

Female

Born in the northeast

Announcement of the appoint happens on a Monday

Raised in a single parent family

Left-handed

Tattoo visible during inauguration speech

Grew up in poverty

Catholic

Physics Background

Green eyes

Is Hispanic

Both parents had PhDs

LGBT*+

Has military experience

Has worked or attended school in Israel

Is Muslim

Unnatural hair colour

Has ethnic African heritage

Has the same family name as a previous google/alphabet CEO

Has a physical disability

Has been to space

Has an ADOS background

Pronouns are not standard

Has a speech impediment

Trans

Is an AI

It won't be available for purchase in 2024

Tracks sleep

It won’t have a USB-C port

will support wireless charging

Improved health tracking if you pair it with an apple watch (ie better data if you wear both than either by itself)

It will only be usable with an iPhone

It will be available in a range of colours

It’ll measure blood oxygen saturation / include a pulse oximetry function.

Will support gestures

At launch, the MSRP will be <$500.

The ring design will be asymmetrical.

Tracks Stress

It will eventually be tied up in litigation like the pulse-ox sensor on the watch

battery lasts over a week

There will be a gold version (real gold, not just gold colored)

It will have a physical button on it

It will have a glass or crystal screen

It will be announced in 2025

Waterproof up to 100 meters / 330 feet

It will be called the iRing

There will be a higher memory model sold for more money at launch (think 128MB vs. 256MB models)

It will have a camera

It will be available for purchase in 2024

Galactus is shown

Wilson fisk gets becomes mayor

A number of street-level heroes (inc daredevil, punisher) have a team up plotline

Battleworld is shown

A number of child heroes have a team up

The Avengers fight the X-men

Peter parker gets the Venom suit

Dr Doom is a Stark variant

Peter parker wears the Venom suit across 2 or more films

Robert Downey Jr is playing the main MCU Dr. Doom

There is a large scale war with the US, New Azgard, Wakanda not all on the same side. Includes many military, non-superhero deaths

Wanda controls the timelines to create Battleworld

Galactus eats timelines rather than just planets

Tom Holland's spiderman is the anchor being of Earth 616

State of the Union address is given by Trump

President wearing a tie with any red

President will get heckled or booed

Ukraine is mentioned

Someone in audience holds up prop during speech

5 or more people coordinate outfits

"Israel" will be mentioned

Elon Musk is in attendance

US territory is mentioned

"Hamas" will be mentioned

Non-US World Leader in attendance

AOC is in attendance

Putin will be mentioned by name

Supreme Court Justices clap in response to at least one thing

Someone is removed from the chamber during the speech

2026 State of the Union address is canceled

Abed will say "cool…cool cool cool"

Jeff will give an inspirational speech

🎵 Troy and Abed (something something) 🎵 (eg. in the morning)

Inspector Spacetime will be referenced

Starburns will feature

Professor Duncan will feature

Britta will be called "the worst"

Garrett will feature

"Britta" will be used as a verb

"Six seasons and a movie" will be mentioned

Magnitude will feature

(Fat) Neil will feature

Frankie will feature

Someone will shoot a paintball gun

Troy's AC/Plumbing story will be referenced

Hickey will feature

Elroy will feature

Abed will wear a cape

There will be a pillow/blanket fort

Annie's Boobs (the monkey) will feature

Dungeons and Dragons will be played

Pierce will feature

A Deutche Bahn train is delayed ***

We get an episode of The Snack Zone

Someone mentions Brian McManus

This season has more than five episodes

Sam says "We are so back" **

An athlete says that any athlete needs to "lock in" **

Toby introduces a mathematical concept

Amy from Wendover Productions is mentioned

The season features 3 distinct POVs

This season has more than six episodes

The game feature the original Tag zone map

Brian mentions Trump or Biden

Someone mentions Joseph, Scotty or Tom

An athlete mentions "cooked goose" **

Ben gets drunk (canonically)

Someone says "that's just how the jets lag" **

Adam wears a wig

We get an episode of the Zodiac Zone

Adam sings part of "Let's go to the beach, each (Starships)"

An athlete has to answer a riddle

One of the teams reaches their destination

Someone eats fondue

Sam mentions Formula One

An athlete rides a bicycle

This season has more than seven episodes

The season has more than 7 episodes

We get an episode of Choo Choo Chew

An athlete travels by boat (A->B)

An athlete swims

The season has more than 6 days of real-time game time

One of the Jet Leg trio tweets about this market before the finale*

We get an episode of Ben's Shower Corner

S.P.E.W (Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare) is featured

Ends within 10 years of release of first episode

The same actors play school-age Harry, Ron, and Hermione throughout

Harry Potters most used (spoken) spell is "Expelliarmus"

Covers all 7 books (i.e. not cancelled/ended early)

Is 7 seasons

Colin Creevey is in more than 2 seasons

Harry wears a pointy wizard hat in more than 1 season

Ends within 9 years of release of first episode

St Mungo's Hospital is shown

Blast-ended skrewt is shown

An actor comes out as trans before 2050

A child actor comes out as trans before 2050

Every season is 10 episodes or fewer

Muggle Studies class is ever shown

The same actor plays Dumbledore throughout (barring flashbacks/flashforwards with age differences)

Wins at least 1 Primetime Emmy

Wins at least 1 Primetime Emmy in an acting category

There's an episode without Harry on screen at all (barring recap, intro, outro, credits, sneak peeks, etc.)

Ends within 8 years of release of first episode

A child actor playing a "relevant" character comes out as trans before 2050 (see list)

Ends within 7 years of release of first episode

Arithmancy class is ever shown

Recording exists of them saying "fuck"

photo of them in suspenders/overalls on the internet

Has Tattoo

Had At least one sex scandal

Has Brown Eyes

Is 6'0" or taller (183cm)

Photo exists on internet of them wearing suspenders/overalls

Currently Married

at least one divorce at time of announcement

Is Bald

60 or older at time of announcement

Is Indian